Grannies Win at Life. Always.

Grandmothers are special. From the time we enter their lives, a bond is formed that can’t be duplicated or replaced. I remember both of my grandmothers fondly: memories of fried chicken, celebrity gossip and talk shows, flood my mind more often than I’d like to admit sometimes. These were the ones who took my side over my parents in any of my tween angst issues. One lived in Florida, and the other down the street, and no matter where I was, whenever I talked to them, I was home. I remember the boxes of oranges and grapefruits sent every winter, picked from the trees in the backyard. They tasted like love.

And sunshine.

Anyway, one thing I really adore about grandmothers is that they can delve into popular culture, and be the talk of the town. No one boos grandmothers like they would cheesy mothers and fathers trying the same thing. In fact, we cheer them on with enthusiasm, glossy eyed at the cuteness they radiate. You remember the rapping granny from The Wedding Singer? She said a hip, a hop, a hippy, and we bopped along. Grannies + Ratchetness = Winning at life.

This is why I’m thankful for YouTube. With the technology offered on phones and webcams all over, we can all indulge in Cute Granny Tricks on YouTube (instead of the usual cat videos.)1

To help you get started, here are a few of my favorite granny videos (some of these have a language warning, so deem them NSFW or KIDS):

  • Rack City Grandma- I had never even heard of this song before this video. In usual YouTube fashion, a teenager is lip synching to this anthem of… whatever, while in the background, the true star shines. Grandma went to work  and hit her cat daddy.

  • Three Six Granny– Grandmother raps along to the lyrical stylings of Academy Award winners Three Six Mafia. She actually catches the flow and all while son does some kind of frenetic twitching in the background. I’m not a big fan of this song, and I haven’t even heard it all the way, but… extreme language on this one. She’s like a dirty version of the Rapping Granny from America’s Got Talent.

  • Granny Walks It Out– Nothing like seeing grandmothers in the moment with the grandkids. At this family gathering, grandma is introduced to the ‘walk it out’ craze of some years back, and her commentary is priceless. I keeled over when she yelled, “AWLAWD- my knees hurt!” and her “this is some GOOD exercise!” line reminded me of something my own mom would say. She was definitely a good sport, even if the grandkids put her on myspace.2

  • Granny Pats Her Weave– Don’t get in this granny’s way when Beyonce comes on- she is trying to get bodied (whatever on Earth that means). Y’all see how she has that back it up and bounce move executed perfectly on that walker? She even strolled around it for a little bit of model walking that would make Tyra Banks proud. 

  • Granny Hitting Usher Moves- Remember back in the day when Usher was a cherubic crooner who only had to worry about what girl to walk home from school? When The Box was still music television we controlled, a certain video featuring 5, count ’em, FIVE Usher Raymonds, jigging across the screen to one of his biggest hits, “U Make Me Wanna.” My siblings and I would watch, memorize, and perform the choreography live from the living room, often arguing over who would be which Usher. I preferred guitar strummer-Usher. Looks like this grandma got her review, learn, repeat on, too. And HIT IT.

  • The Electric Sliding Elder Club- I’d be doing you all a disservice if I didn’t introduce you to some of my favorite dancing elders. Well, actually, it’s a group featuring all ages called Step In The Name of Life (see what they did there?) a community based organization seeking to better people’s overall health, that posted videos of its students learning all of these slides I never knew existed. One day last summer, I stumbled upon their videos, and like anything you shouldn’t, I kept watching. What did I learn? Every song has a slide. EVERY SONG. HAS. A SLIDE. Enjoy!

Dear ones, enlighten me with your zany grandmother tales in the comments- what kind of adorably ratchet, off the wall things do they do that make your day? 

Signing off from Rack City (wherever that is),

1 Not that there’s anything wrong with cat videos, but I can’t watch too many. I’m allergic, and the videos almost make me sneeze sometimes.
2 RIP, Myspace. We hardly knew ye. Or really wanted to.

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