It Must Be Mah Birthday!!

The Hunny Master comes bearing gifts?! Yippee!
from balloonmaniacs.com

Fair Friends,

It’s celebration time! ‘Twas a year ago when I, caught in a impulsive moment of boredom, decided to open up my modest hive. Now I can eat honey, smash into cake, and I’ve almost gotten the hang of this walking thing. Milestones are being hit all around, and most of you have been around to see them all. I don’t have much, but I’ve been willing to share my toys and cookies with the few of you who still come by. This past year has seen me through ups and downs, and I’m grateful for the people here who have, by default, become a piece of my little family. Thanks to all of you! I wish I could offer you more than hugs, but, you know… I’m broke and I’m a work in progress. I’m good for it though. For reals. *slides an IOU across teh interwebs*

So anyway…

I just discovered this website, the Day Zero Project, that allows you to make up a list of 101 goals/dreams you’d like to accomplish in 1,001 days. It also gives you with a chance to connect with other dreamers, and provides you with motivation, inspiration, and all the other –ations you can think of. I’m a list maker by nature, so of course, I was up to the challenge. It was quite a feat to accomplish though. Some of my goals are quite doable, while some lean to the side of “Beez, you’re crazy. Irregardless, here’s what I came up with:

• Write a letter to myself to open in 10 years

• Sleep under the stars

• Go vegetarian for a month

• Find out my blood type

• Try two new cookie recipes this Christmas

• Go to Las Vegas

• See 10 classic movies I’ve never seen

• Go to Rocky Horror Picture Show showing at midnight

• Get my hair professionally colored

• Donate blood

• Learn how to salsa

• Stay at a bed & breakfast

• Learn to knit

• Learn how to swim

• Get contacts

• Dance in the rain

• Learn Spanish

• Get a tattoo

• Answer the “50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind”

• Lose weight

• Design a Shirt of my own

• Take a cake decorating class

• Don’t complain about anything for a week

• Take a photography class

• Dress up for Halloween

• Start a scrapbook

• Take a Yoga class

• Learn to drive a stick shift

• Create a budget and stick to it

• Go on a spontaneous road trip

• Find a new job

• Learn to ballroom dance

• Apply for a game show

• Fall in love

• Visit Canada

• Try a new recipe each month

• Find a personally inspirational quote and work it into a piece of art or home decor

• Buy a car

• Do a detox every 6 months

• Try and finish 5 ideas from Instructables

• Be able to do the splits

• Pay for the person behind me at Starbucks

• Start a holiday tradition

• Give a 100% tip

• Read Anna Karenina

• Have a sleepover party

• Go on a wine tour

• Travel out of the country

• Run a 5K race

• Get a full body massage

• Read a book written by someone I disagree with

• Write a will

• Use last minute deals to take a weekend/short vacation

• Wax my legs

• Not log into facebook for a whole week!

• Start learning the guitar

• Call in sick to work for no reason

• Start saving for retirement

• Buy a keyboard

• Start a recipe book

• Move into my own flat

• Journal every day for a month

• Volunteer at a homeless shelter

• Give money to a street musician

• Volunteer abroad

• Start a conversation with a stranger

• Give up fast food for a month

• Update my blog at least once a week

• Read the entire Bible

• Get out of debt

• Laugh at least once a day

• Find out my purpose in life

• Memorize one Bible verse a day

• Deep condition my hair at least once a month

• Make someone smile at least once a day

• Give someone a hug at least once a week

• Buy homemade jewelry from someone

• Learn to walk in stiletto heels (or not)

• Start an emergency fund

• Memorize the choreography from Darrin’s Dance Grooves

• Wear makeup every day for a week

• Buy a dress for no good reason

• Have a theme party… for something

• Listen to myself sing without being overly critical

• Get a pedicure at least once a month

• Get involved in social justice/community movements

• Donate everything I currently own and don’t use/need to charity

• Get more involved with nonprofit organizations

• Be a butterfly for a day

• Try something different with the ‘fro

• Embrace my inner fabugaga.

• Make up a new word/catchphrase each month.

• Start backing up my computer

• Have a blog once a week that only contains pictures

• Give someone a piercing

• Make love in this club

• Edit a Wikipedia page… just because

• Sit at a busy intersection and people watch

• Learn to speak with a convincing *insert nationality* accent

• Dance with the fireflies

• Personally invest in the lives of at least 10 teenagers

I’m starting this today. Scheduled completion date: 12/26/2012. Are you up to the challenge? If so, let me know! I’ll check in periodically with my progress.

Love and Sprinkles,
Beez

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Gosh, I’m Horrible (But I’m Back With Presents and a “This Is It” Review!)

*walks to empty stage*
*picks up microphone*
*taps it a couple of times*

Hello… anybody there?

*hugs world* *pouty face, bats eyelashes*
I know, I have some ‘splainin to do, but with good cause. I will now attempt to give you a quick-kind of update of the past few weeks:

This Is It- Beez’s Experience

I saw This is It, the highly anticipated movie of Michael Jackson concert footage, on Halloween weekend (creepy, right?). It was all that I expected and MORE! I saw a level of professionalism up close that Michael always seemed to exhibit anyway during his performances. I believe that that rehearsal footage would rival some of the best touring concerts right now. The vocals were on point, even when MJ said he was “holding back to save his voice.” Listening to him belt Human Nature while playing out his stage presence in the mix made me excited. Seeing him interact with his musicians, and watching him hold his own dancing with people half his age won me over. Seeing a style that made Thriller and Smooth Criminal new and improved, while keeping their original levels of awesome, made me stay until the end of the credits. And, of course, the title song weaved its way into the film.

All I can say is that the film was pure, unadulterated awesome. If you haven’t seen it in theaters, get it on DVD. Or come to watch it with me when I get it. It’s sooo worth it.

Life Changes

Oh.my.gawsh. Life is moving so fast right now! Moved from existence with the Mama and Baby Bear (friends of mine) to a 3 bedroom condo with two people I had never met until I signed the lease. So far, everything’s well. I can’t really complain much, especially since it saved me from homelessness, and once I start working steadily, I’ll be able to save AND pay off some past debts! *celebratory happy dance* Not to mention, I HAD A BIRTHDAY LAST SUNDAY!!! 11/22 marked the 24th anniversary of my mom pushing me from her vag (crude, I know), and I had a ball of a time, which involved kidnapping, cupcakes,blindfoldedness, footie pajamas, being shoved into random cars, Cirque tickets, a fall picnic, and Grape Drank. I’ll give more details at another time, but I just wanted to shout out the Fantabulous Five that made it all possible! My friends are truly awesome. All of them. Even you. *points at you*

In the meantime, I haven’t been lamenting my constant cycle of employment to unemployment. Instead, I finally made good on some of my words and decided to do something! Because of that, I picked something that hits pretty close to home: my church’s food pantry. Here’s a bit of backstory on that one– back in the day, when Beez was even more self-conscious than she is now, and when her family really needed it (this was before she was old enough to work and help out), her family used to go to a local food pantry. During the short walk there and back home with her mom, Beez would always be concerned about whether people would see her, and what they would think, even though where she grew up, EVERYONE had some kind of need. This year, when she did have gainful employment, she would always yearn to have the time to be able to help out. Now, she does.

I’ve learned so much serving the community this way, especially about this idea of gratefulness. I’ve often beat myself up about where I am right now, wanting something more, taking the moments that I have foregranted. But some of the people I serve would kill to be where I am right now. It really shows me that where you don’t want to be can be someone else’s perfect destination. Sometimes, I can really see the hurt in people, the despair, and all I want to do is know how I can make it better. I’ve had someone fill out an application and stop at times to sob. I’ve seen people that tear up when they learn that they’ll be able to feed their families for Thanksgiving. Everyone has a story as to why they are there. I’ve seen people who are able to get out of situations, and come back to serve where they once patronized, and I see beauty in all of this. Is is hard work? Maybe, but I don’t really see it as such, because it’s WORTH IT. Worth it to me, worth it to the people who stand in lines, and worth it to the families that go one less day without food because someone cared. I can only say it is a privilege and an honor to do such.

In addition, since I’ve been feeling this great pull towards service, I’ve been debating on attaining advanaced degrees for such. As of now, my plan is to get an MBA, perhaps coupled with a Masters in Law, in order to consult. I want to help companies that serve the underprivileged- a nonprofit/charitable consultant, perhaps? That way, I can combine my mind for business with my heart for people and turn it into something that benefits the greater good. I’m actually quite excited about it, and plan to get applications in really soon! *beams*

So with this, I offer my apologies. You all are great, and although I don’t comment as much as I read, you all have a special place in my heart. I will try and keep up with the bloggy updates in order to not inundate you with all of this information at once, but if you’d like, you can follow me on Twitter (which I just about update throughout the day), and keep up with me there!

Love you all,
Beez

Self photo, courtesy of Häagen-Dazs-Help the Honey Bees

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We Have Some Serious Catching Up To Do…

Okay, okay, I’m off of that whole self-imposed blogging sabbatical now. Do you still love me? Will you still care? Will you be there?

So, anyway, my life has been full of a billion changes, all in the last week or two. I moved into a three bedroom condo with two strangers, and so far, it’s been a blast! I’m the youngest one here (which never happens in my real life), so I try and stay out of my normal mode of shenanigans… we’ll see how long the honeymoon lasts. Babybear and mommy moved to Texas with poppy, and I went along for the ride. Two days in a car + 2 days on a train back home = a very irritated Beez, I tells ya. The only thing that saved me from throwing somebody’s mams off of the train was Twitter. Even then, it was rather patchy, going through the hills and mountains and countryside. My tweets chronicled my life in the slow moving metal box. Butterfly Charlie found great enjoyment from them. I feel that you all would too. Here’s a little sampling (for more hilarity follow me on Twitter @BeezHunny.):

*St. Louis. White Castle. #NomNomNom. And away we goooo!

*Can all those Meramec Caverns signs be counted as “road spam?”

*Everything in Oakleehomer is named after Will Rogers. Is he the Patron Saint of cowboy-ism? #AiJusWannaNoe

*The baby licked her mom’s toast this morning, all for the quest to jelly. I may have to rethink this wanting chilluns thing. #EWW

*Sign #965.23 that you’re in Bumf*ck, Nowhere: Signal going in and out. Battery wasting itself finding one. Streetside cemetaries.4:28 PM Oct 16th from mobile web

*I see cacti patches. and red clay. and houses on big hills and sh*t.
Winters TX. Speed Limit 35 AND it smells skunky. *facepalm*

* When we first crossed the state line, a sign said “The Eyes of Texas are Upon You.” I kinda believe it. #Scary

*Do deer ever jump out at you like the sign suggests? #IAmSleepy

* *hits head repeatedly on seat in front of me*

* I don’t have a fork. I’m starving (kinda), and my head hurts like I’ve been hit with a truck. Time to rough it, I suppose.

*Ugh… make your kids shut up, people who just got on in Austin. People is trying to sleep. Give em whisky, tranquilizer…

*Seriously. These heathuns are excited abou the train, and spent minutes going “FOOTRESTS?!? AWESOME!!!”

*Worse of all, they choose to sit. right. behind. me. I’m gonna ring the alarm. Or their necks.

*Yes, the family has moved to the People who are traveling together section! Jesus loves me!

*I still see cactuses #YeahIKnowItsCacti , so I thinks I’m still in the south.

*I’M BOUT TO FLIP THIS DINING CARRRRRRR…

*I’m stuck on this Amtrak sit-tin in a cold seat, kids gettin on my nerrrvess. Goin’ outta my mind I thought I’d be fine, I think I’ma choke

*Really? You just gon’ start hummin spirituals like that? I assumed I was on Amtrak, not Amistad- #SHURRUP

*That was, quite possibly, the worst effing hot dog in my hot dog eating history. My stomach will revolt soon, I just know it…

*Marshall, TX is NOT a smoke break. Soon I’ll been in Texarkana?!? Is that like Bennifer?

*Somebody farted. On this train. Bad bizness, son. I’m about to fight on principle… #NOSHTY

*Texarkana? Is this real life, like a real word?!? #BOOLSHEET

*Next up: Arkadelphia, Brangelina’s second home. :*|

*I’m cold. and hungry. and I can’t sleep. and I hit my foot on the damb footrest. #COMEONGOODTIMES #INEEDYARETTNOW

*LL Bean + LL Cool J = LL Cool Beans.

*My, what a crowded bus this is… Who has time to be ignorant when I’m competing for oxygen? #TRAILWAYSFAILWAY

*Finally back, after 4 days, numerous hours, and plenty of minutes… I need to shower from head to toe.

*I haven’t been on here in a while, but I’ve finally washed myself hair to toes, and feel like I’ve been rebirthededed.

From these tweets, you’ll soon enough find out that (a) I get bored easily and (b) I say a lot of random stuff, even resorting to making up my own words. I hope you can still love me and forgive me for this little display of foolery.

Now that I’m up to speed, how have you all been?

Take care,
Beez

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Changes

Things are moving fast, and I’m trying to stay positive.

Hopefully, I’ll be able to hold on to my hat, and roll with the punches as they come….

I’ll definitely be happier once things are more settled. Will explain a bit more later.

Love you all,
Beez

PS- I’ve installed something that’ll let me be able to let me reply to your comments a little easier. Let’s give it a try 🙂

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The “But Me” Conspiracy

Hi, all!!

Sorry for the extreme delay in posting. I spent a fantabulous (is that a word? oh, well, it is now) weekend in Chicago doing hoodrat stuff with my friends*, and had no internet access. For once, I was glad I didn’t! Started working out again (more on that at another time) and am slooowly packing up the old apartment. le sigh.

Now that we’re caught up, I wanted to explore something that’s been marinating in my mind, to see if anyone else gets caught up in, ads I call it, the “but-me” conspiracy. Most of my friends are in their 20s, an interesting time with lots of changes. Everyone’s lives are going haywire, and making progression towards the sort of “real adults” we’ll be one day. While some of us are just finishing school, others are going for round 2 or beyond, or tackling that super-cool occupation you’ve dreamed of since hitting the Quad some years ago. Some are just getting into relationships that may turn into more, while others are getting married, having children, buying homes, or enjoying timeshares. Crazy, isn’t it?

Confession: Sometimes, I feel caught up in the midst of all of these changes, and wonder why they aren’t happening to me at the rate of reproducing bunnies. Sometimes I’m quite thankful for it; other times, I’m just not sure why I’m happy they aren’t. I’m happy for my peers, but I guess I kind of want my time, too. My thought process sort of goes like this:

Everyone’s got something going great in their lives… but me.
Everyone’s got a great job… but me.
Everyone’s in a great relationship… but me.
Everyone’s getting married and starting great lives with someone who loves them… but me.
I’m a doofus, I swear. 😛

Of course I know that there’s a time and season for everything (as stated by Ecclesiates and The Byrds), and that I am not the exception to the rule ALL the time (though some of the time is quite questionable). I’ve come to the conclusion that I am simply not ready for all of that cool stuff, and when it’s my time, it’s my time. Besides, with all of the changes I’m contemplating at the time (moving, job hunting, perpetual broke-ness), where would all of that other stuff fit in my life? If I think I’m mad now, just think of how mad I’d be with another person to consider in all of these decisions

Yep. I’m better off right now without the hassle. In the meantime, I’ll just feed this (rented) fish and spread my love to the masses. I’ll keep myself ready for the big breaks, in all aspect of life Preparing for the king who’ll eventually sweep me off of my feet, and readying myself to meet the King of Kings when that time comes.

So anyway, I hope that this can be a bit of encouragement for those of you who live the “but-me” life a little more than I do. Just remember: you’re not on anyone’s timeline but your own. Live it as you see fit, and not according to anyone else’s schedule. Your “stuff” will come in time. 🙂

–Beez

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Let The Slump Begin!

Looks like I’ve officially hit that point- the point of slumping. For the last [x] months, I’ve been out there wishing and hoping and thinking and praying (with no Psychic Friends involved) that soon, I’d get a callback. So far, not even an interview call has come my way. Then again, neither has the rejection letter, in some cases. Rejection emails, I’m learning, are quite the popular item these days: “Dear Beez, we have reviewed your application, and we decided not to offer you a position/ to finally respond to you after 3 months and tell you the position has been filled/ any variation that basically seethes of ‘you’re not worthy’. Get thee away.” I don’t have enough experience, but I have too much. I’m hot- and I’m cold. I’m good, but I’m bad. Le sigh. What’s a Beez to do?

I don’t have an issue with pride or anything, at least not a significant one (sidenote: Beez has flipped burgers overnight at the arches while slinging McAlister’s Sweet tea during the days, rigfter graduation). I just need some kind of cash flow to make things happen. I’ve filled out applications, locally, un-locally, private, public, nonprofit, for profit, eenie, meenie, miney, and moe. One of the latest rejections to add to the list:

What? We don’t want her either!

Seriously, I’ve been trying my best to stay optimistic. I’ve taken up trying to run again (after asthma scared me from even trying for 4 years), working on my novel (shout out to Brian Griffin. I really don’t have one.), and generally, searching through acres and acres of job listings, trying to convey to people that they want me, without actually using those words. I’m sure that those bright days, and sunny times, and children singing in circles holding hands will come, but I guess my question would be, “When?” Until then, I just feel… without a purpose. The “5w’s +h” (shout out to 5th grade English) of life keep crossing my mind, and it’s starting to show itself visibly, which usually means there’s a lot more of it going on than normal.

I guess I should be used to rejection, because I’ve experienced it on quite a few levels (middle child sarcasm, I suppose), but at the same time, it leaves me wondering what my next steps are. Collecting from the man just isn’t my thing- especially when I know I can do some of these other jobs out there. Just give me a chance, and I can show you better than I could ever say (note: Beez gets the job done. Usually right. Usually the first time. End of story). Rejection still feels bad though- in all phases. One day, I’m sure there’s someone out there that’ll say “yes,” but until then, I’m just counting the “no’s” (in the style of Toucan Sam)… even made a special folder in the inbox for them. When I do land that big gig (love the rhyme, don’t you?), I can one day look back on this and giggle a little.

I apologize if this all seems disjointed, but I kinda feel that way. My brain is hurty. I’ll work on this whole being sad thing and hopefully wake up in the morning a bit better. Until then, if you have a job for me, LET ME IN!!!

… pretty please?

–Beez

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