Manifesto of a New iPhone User- My Promise

Just imagine this is the logo on the phone.

Hi, there.

If you can’t tell by the title, I’ve joined “the cult.” A little over two weeks ago, I was waiting on a very special delivery. I heard very special things about this gadget, and to make a good first impression, I might have dolled myself up a little. UPS was playing with my emotions, sending me texts that a package was on my doorstep. It wasn’t there, and I was upset… but I kept waiting, reapplying lip gloss, and primping. When that lovely little parcel arrived, I opened it, and expected magic. I mean, it is the number one smartphone in the world, and after having Palms for the last 7 years (and being comfortable enough with webOS), I was ready for something different. Too bad I didn’t get the memo that phones can’t do like Laddie, the super-dog from The Simpsons that gathers a fruit basket for you upon opening.

After a few hours, though, I was convinced that this investment was pretty much worth it, but in the interest of my social life, I cannot allow myself to become an apple-holic. In order to keep my priorities intact and stay marketable for a husband one of these days, I’ve prepared a manifesto of sorts. For those unfamiliar with the term, a manifesto is simply a written declaration of intentions, intended to be a focus for my duration of my reign as an iPhone user. Count down with me, and feel free to apply these to your life where necessary.

The New iPhone User’s Manifesto
As a new iPhone user, I promise the following: 
  • I will not preface every verb with a little i. iSee a lot of iFans do this. iThink it’s a way for people to be unified in their iStandom. It can be a little fun in the beginning, but after about 20 minutes, it gets old. We get it- you pledge allegiance to the iPhone. 
  • I will not turn every question into a new episode of “Ask Siri.” To be quite honest, the idea of Siri actually scared me in the beginning. A “virtual assistant” that catered to your every need by voice? I wasn’t buying it- mostly because I feel the stuff I ask Siri to do at this point, I can do a lot faster myself. Besides, I’m never really that busy to where Siri has to set my alarm, send a text for me, or reschedule a (nonexistent) appointment on my calendar. If you’re that important, then knock yourself out with those features. Of course, since Siri is still in beta, it’s actually more fun to just ask her (I think she’s a girl) random questions and see what she’s talking about. 
See what I’m saying? Photo Credit: Sh*t That Siri Says
  •  I will not use every conversation as a segue into the mission of “convert everyone into Mac/iPhone users.” This is probably one of my biggest gripes about Mac users. Some of them operate under this aura of self-importance, as if Windows is that much beneath them. I personally can use either, and have no qualms about which is seemingly better. If a Mac’s around, I’ll use it. If a PC is available, I likely bought it because I can afford it. No need for me to sing the praises of (the late) Steve Jobs, or try and down everything Microsoft or Palm has ever done for me just because I have this new gadget. Truth is, I like gadgets in any form, so redeeming qualities can be found in anything for me. 
  • I will not become an instagram/hipstamatic/phototoaster etc. “photographer.” You’ve seen them- the seemingly endless streams of photos on someone’s facebook or twitter profile. How many ways can one doctor up the same photo? What is the appeal of editing photos to look like they were all created decades before any of us were born? The fact that some use this medium as their primary photography method completely bothers me. I’ve tried instagram, and let me tell ya, THERE ISN’T MUCH OF A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE 80 FILTERS. For the sake of comparison, I’ll add two photos I just took, one normal, and one with special effects: 
My laptop before. Check the lap desk.
My laptop- Instagrammed.
See? It’s still a crappy photo, just with flair, finesse, and technique! I wish it could be a deeper photo, that symbolized the struggle of my fingers amidst the keyboard, but seriously, that ain’t that. Filters don’t make your photos deeper or inherently more interesting. Please… don’t subject your friends to endless streams of this. If you still insist on it, at least take down the sharing settings. 
Any of you former or current iPhone users have any important tips or recommendations for me, just to make sure I don’t tee off the general population? Feel free to share below. 
Siri will never rule everything around me, 
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