(Let’s Get) Physical: Products to Help Restore My Quality of Life

Relax. Just do it. *mumble mumble* Get through it. Wait… what? 

Hay, y’all. Hay.

Well, I’ve visited a doctor since I had a car accident about a week ago, and have realized my tendency to downplay my ailments and injuries probably isn’t the best practice. I’m still having some strain in my back and shoulders, and while thugging it out has its strong points (because thugs don’t take pills on a regular schedule!), I’ll need more than the meds that I (am not really) taking to get back to that 98 1/2% that I’m usually in. For me, that means expanding my worlds to new horizons.

I’ve been prescribed physical therapy, and I start today. The doctor describes it as a way for me to rebuild my muscles and learn to strengthen and condition them in case some other mess happens to me for my general well-being, but I’ve always seen it as a place where folks get all into my nooks and crannies while throwing medicine balls at me. I’ve watched WAY too much television in my time, but y’all already knew that, right?At this point, I’m willing to try anything once, because these back cramps are not what’s lukewarm in the boulevards. This brings me to the lesson of the day.

Until I’m back into the completely functional mess that I am, I’ll need the help of a few products to get me there. As you all know from previous posts, I’m a huge infomercial head. In this time of, well, I don’t know what to call everything that’s been coursing through my head these days, but in order to lighten my mood, I’ve decided on some products that you may have seen on TV to get me through:

1-The Gopher:
First off, it’s sold by Billy Mays. BILLY! MAYS! Based on the star power alone, I’d buy it. Although we miss him in the ad world (which I am not a part of), his memory lives on in spots such as this. Filled with gems such as “handy helper,” “squeeze and retrieve,” and “suction action,” Mays lives up to the title I gave him as the “hardest working man in infomercials.” Look at the Gopher in action: it can pick up a five pound can of sugar! Five pounds! I’d be able to do so much with that, without further inflaming my core. Plus, with my purchase I get another one, and a magna gopher! I’m in!
Sidenote: What’s the extra one for? In case you drop your regular one? Gopher my Gopher, Gopher! Okay, I’m done. On to the next one.

2- The Ready Reacher
I often drop things I can’t reach, voiceover lady. And, much like your (hopefully paid) actor, I will act like it’s the end of the world, also! I’ve got some wallslides for such occasions, but as I probably should hold off on sliding all willy nilly, the Ready Reacher may be a likely alternative, if I can’t get my three Gophers and a mule. Anthony Sullivan yells of the power of the “super sticky goo pad,” a phrase that I can’t mutter, yet alone yell, without giggling like a deranged kindergartener from Disney’s “Recess.” What this product has over the Gopher, I feel, is the stealth value. I won’t have to bedazzle it like the Gopher to match all of my good outfits, and it’s so tiny, I can slip it in my pocketbook until I’m good and darn ready to use it!

3- Easy Feet
One of the things I’ve been lamenting is how laborious it is for me to touch my toes. Before I try, I have to make a list of why I need to now as opposed to doing it later, and sometimes, I just send my toes a postcard that says, “hey, y’all. let’s catch up sometime!” With Easy Feet, I can catch up with them WAY more often, bringing balance and harmony back to my body. On the outside, it looks like that foot thing that comes with the Body Snake, but as enthusiastic announcer lady says, it’s SO much more! It cleans the top and bottom of feet, between your toes, and provides a rejuvenating massage. I believe in Easy Feet’s power to change the way I bathe. The shot at the end, with the lady in the super luxe bubble bath, scrubbling away with her Easy Feet, may have given me an asmertack. Hey, body. Let’s focus on one ailment at a time, please.

4- Pajama Jeans
This one’s been making its rounds for a while, so I’ll keep it short. I like comfort, but I also like to be ready to go at a moment’s notice. With all of the pain and  heartache that goes behind dressing once, belts, snaps, and all, I feel that pajama jeans are the most logical next step to alleviating it. They work on 4 out of 5 models (hey, isn’t that like the dentist bit? What happened to the fifth person– nutella?). I can wear them while using my Pedi Pistol and be fully enlightened as an infomercial extremist. Seriously speaking:  comfy material + stylish exterior = happy Beez. It’s not calculus.

Too bad I haven’t seen a Skymall catalog lately. I’m sure I could build a house from the comfort of my couch with something outta that.

I’ve been mighty appreciative of all the love sent my way, and though I realize the seriousness of an injury like this, I need this space to shed by brand of optimism on an otherwise quite sucky experience altogether. Thanks for laughing with (and at) me and my shenanigans time and time again, and now the question:

If any of your body parts were out of commission, and you had limited usage, what products could you use to regain daily function? 

Love y’all like Jamba Juice loves to smell like orange pith.

(not too hard–I’m sensitive!) Hugs and Sprinkles,
Beez

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Beez Speaks- And For Good Reason

Hey, y’all. I betchu think this post is about me. For once, I’m taking the shine off of my normal mode of shenanigans, catastrophes, and general unfortunate events, in favor of something more awesome.

Today, I would like to bring your attention to something I’ve (finally) found the words to get out. This is a big step for me, mostly because I’m vain and dislike the sound of my voice. I didn’t rehearse this, and kind of spoke as it came from the heart. Then again, this cause is bigger than me. And you. Your mama, and your cousin, too. No Outkast, though. Anyway, I’ll just cut to video, while you marvel at how I kinda look like the avatar in the upper right hand corner:

This is the challenge, wrapped conveniently as my birthday wish: I just want to encourage you all to do something, for someone, as this appropriately-dubbed “giving season” begins. The actions done from this point on could make the biggest difference in someone’s life. One little action could make a tiny tot decide to be a world changer. It could be that little push that helps a person choose life over death. It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, and most importantly, empowers others to do the same.

I want to make a way for people to actually share what they’re doing. Short of creating another website (which, given my limited time and resources), I’m not really seeing how. Perhaps a hashtag on Twitter would work, but how long do those stay valid? I’m thinking out loud again… Let me stop and I’ll work the details out as they may. Besides, the idea is to give.

I’ll check in over the next two weeks to share some ideas, and hopefully hear from you about your ideas, actions, and ways you’re changing the world around you.

Go time… is now. Let’s Bee-Giving this season! I think the hashtag has been birthed: #BeeGiving. Nawl, you know what? I’ll keep working on it.

Still Working Out The Kinks (and not just the ones in my hair),

Beez

PS- For the record, you can still send me birthday gifts. I’m versatile. 🙂

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Hold My Mule.

Hi, friends.

I know many of you know one of my favorite pastimes (besides Zelda, infomercials, and Twitter), is scouring the interwebs for my next chuckle. One day, I was looking on facebook, when I found this video last week, posted by a friend:

My first thought: WOW!! Not only did they sing one of my favorite choir songs, but they added corresponding arm movements, and KILLED. THE. GAME. I noticed something in their pronunciation was different, and wondered where they were from. I won’t harp on the obvious, though, because for quite some time, I have been looking at multiracial choirs that sing traditionally ‘black’ gospel offerings. I LOVE it, mmkay? All I can say is the performance was awesome, the tones were killer, and they did just what they were supposed to do.

After a church service this week, I came home and remembered the choir who bankhead bounced their way through “God Is In Control,” and wondered if I could find any other of their selections. Sure enough, YouTube came to the rescue. I found out that they are the (rough translation) Gospel Celebration Choir of Quebec. They have albums out, they cover a wide range of songs, and check out their YouTube page for more offerings besides the ones I post here. That, my friends, leads us to this:

*So Good- I’ve always liked the simplistic statement of this tune: He’s been so good to me, I can’t tell it all. What I will do, however, is let them tell you just a little bit.

*Jesus Can Work It Out- If you play this song anywhere in the Chicago metropolitan area, I’m sure someone can tell you approximately how many remixes have been made. This song was even played on urban radio. While listening to this one, memories crossed my mind of cleaning early on Saturday mornings, with a little bounce in my step, because I believed in the power that the words carried.

Between seeing this and the PS22 Chorus, I am convinced more than I have ever been about the power of music. Music transcends all boundaries. I promise, if you put two people in a room who know nothing about each other or speak the same language, play a song and see what happens. I actually have an experience in this: I took a trip to Europe years ago, and part of this trip included us teaching English to Italian children. When ‘recess’ time came, we really couldn’t think of a way to play a game or break the ice, until I thought of a song I had heard frequently while traveling in the city. All it took was me humming the opening lines, and the kids went bat—t crazy. And there we played, like perfect strangers. Music is the icebreaker of life.

With that friends, I leave you with two more of my favorites in the ‘alternative gospel’ series. Then I need someone to do me a favor, and hold my mule while I shout.

I’m glad I actually go to a church where I get to see this kind of diversity and more. Good people, what kind of music do you listen to, if any, to give yourself a little pick me up?

Saaang, babies.

Hugs and Sprinkles,
Beez

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You Need Some Laughs? I Gots The Chuckles

Hey, friends!

Stuff has been getting inexplicably real for me these past few weeks, and I found myself in a bit of a slump. Seriously, it was so bad that even music couldn’t fix what ails me. Not even hits from the Thrillermaker (and you KNOW MJ can get my tushy moving like none other!). Anyway, I did eventually find some things that were able to get me laughing hard. Asthma. (Sorry. Had a Drake moment there.) Wanted to share them with you, in case you needed a mid(ish)-week pick me up:

1- Tuts My Barreh

Y’all? This right here? Kilt me. I’m a sucker for subtitles. Use them ALL the time. Add some Microsoft clip-artsy pictures that pop up at key moments, a guy who thinks he’s the next Koreonce, and it led to me cracking a bit of a smile.

2- Crazy Wedding Entrance Videos:


It’s that season folks. Lots of white dresses being sewn together (or bought at your local David’s Bridal). Somethings old, somethings new, somethings borrowed, and somethings blue are being draped around expectant brides, eagerly awaiting their moments to become “Mrs.” A lot of people still go the traditional route, but these days, with so much room for personalization, couples are taking that route. From the invitations, pictures, and as shown here, the entrance:

This wins basically because there’s Thrillermaker involved. Here’s a close second that would be first if I weren’t blinded :

I sincerely wished the crowd was less stiff. This looked like fun, length and all. I’d probably attempt it. Maybe not for the wedding, but the reception. I’m already planning some custom… *shuts her mouth so you don’t steal my idea*

Moving on…

This site… YESSS!!! I can’t explain it in words, so click here.

 Here’s a hint. 

Let’s see what we have here: 
  • “Solitary soldiers keeping the grind alive?”
  • Gratuitous hip rolling, pelvic thrusting and sexy eyes? 
  • Unexplained kids in the background, looking bewildered? 
  • Ninjas who should’ve never been given teh innernets or a webcam?

Snuffles has my reaction down packed (or is it down pat? Y’all be messing up some sayings.) I’m Ginuwinely geeked.

“Dancing Alone to Pony” has made my day.

That’s all I have. What do you all do to get out of your slumps? We all have them, so don’t pretend like everything is rainbows and Baskin-Robbins. I will send Eeyore AND his gloomy cloud to bring you back to reality.

Love and Sprinkles,
Beez

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No News is, well, No News!

Looks like it’s been a while since I’ve brought my arse over here. My bad, I know. I’m working on it. Just don’t give up on me yet. It’s been pretty busy (or bizzy, if you wish) in the BeezHive (or my apartment, as you call it).

Well, last week was the end of my job for the season, preparing taxes. I worked until I couldn’t on the 15th, and on the 16th, began my full time job of searching for a full time job, yet again. This is, what, the 4th job I’ve had in the 7 months since graduation (including the stint working days at McSandwich Shop and overnights at McArches simultaneously for minumum wage, which still wasn’t enough to get on with life)? It would be nice to land that one big break, that one job that will keep me outta my current state of “broke-dom”… to be quite honest, I feel like the middle child of experience when applying for jobs- I’ve been working since I was 16, so I have a bunch of experience in the service/food/cashier line of things, but as soon as you see a BS attached on the resume, they say, “hmm, too much experience for this, but not enough for that.” My question is how do they expect you to get experience if no one takes the bait? The only other thing I could think of doing would be to omit my degree from my resume, but I feel like I’ve worked to hard over the blood, sweat, and years to get it, and I’d be doing a great disservice to mysef to undercut my ability.

All the while, though, I stay optimistic. I applied my first time ever for unemployment, and I’ll be receiving a whopping 93 bucks a week, which only emphasizes my need to get out of this. Coupled with my free time, I guess I’ll be doing more volunteering at the church and babysitting- the kiddies keep me sane, I suppose. Their ability to smile and hold on, knowing someone always has their back reminds me of those that have mine. I could stand to take the Infant CPR course finally, too. I’d hate to actually have a need for it and can only ask the baby “are you choking?” 😛

For now, that’ll be it. I promise to update more about how things are going, and as always, I’ll smile through the rain. When it’s over, there’s always something better.

-Beez

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