Beezy Needs a Brand New Bag.

Hello. Fancy seeing me here. I’ll spare the excuses, just know that isht has gotten real. And I’m dealing with it, much like the good Beez I am. But anyway, the title of the tale should clue you in a bit: I need a new all-purpose bag. I almost want to call the bag “Old Rusty,” like my old apartment, but I fear that I have used all of my mileage with that term, so I’ll just explain how Baggy Mack got into my life.

The backstory: 
About 5 years ago, I was doing my normal perusing of the local Old Navy, probably for clearance tanks and performance fleece. In the clearance section, I found a black sling bag for 97 cents (sidenote to the sidenote: I find a lot of things at this particular Old Navy for 97 cents– most recently, a DRESS. Yep, they’ll forever have me as a customer.). I’ve never gotten into the habit of wearing purses, a fact that probably still makes Mama Beez want to disown me from time to time, but I figure I’ll be a real grown up lady one day. It’s a process. Seeing it as a basic black bag, no frills, plus the fact that I needed something more than a backpack to carry everyday, I took the offer.

Me and Baggy Mack hit it off immediately. I took him everywhere, save formal events. It was my explorer pack in foreign cities like Chicago, my resource bag when taking windy nature walks at home, and a few friends can even attest to my tendencies to keep a little of everything in him, including first- aid. Sure enough, I had a mom bag. My sister-in-law wondered about the whole lack of compartments, but I, not knowing much about bag-ness, decided I didn’t need much, as long as I had Baggy Mack. Check out our journey below:

Me and some folks I’m related to. 🙂 2006
Another of my good friends. 2006
First straightening after growing a fro for 2 years- 2007.
My Chicago travel companion, 2010.
Holder of water bottles, cell phone chargers and extra batteries, iPods, books for long bus and train rides… I’m getting emotional. No Carl Thomas.
A sidekick even when my human sidekick is unavailable. Identity concealed b/c he didn’t appreciate me letting him leave the house like that.

Some years down the line, I noticed a hole. That hole became a rip, which resonated in my heart. Was my beloved knapsack falling to pieces, and I didn’t have a suitable replacement? I questioned how it could have happened: Did I let someone’s baby carry it? I didn’t get it caught in any rear bus doors since that one time! Does falling on a bag put stress on it? Sure enough, none of the things that were happening were my fault. Baggy Mack is just getting old. I even tried to ignore the telltale shoulder rash from me carrying it on the ‘usual spot’– the fact that I had a usual spot…  Let’s see:

The front. Even the zipper area and shoulder strap is getting frayed.
Is that a tear? 
A rip on the side. Oh, my darling. 
A sampling of my daily wares: hat, book, bandage, church handouts, kool-aid single, gum, 3 types of lip balm, notebook and pen… 

With that said, I need a new bag. Perhaps it’s time for me to transition into grown lady bags, but I don’t have the knowledge or patience to scour through stores and websites. To me, THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME, and it’s pretty confusing. Much like shoe shopping. I can probably take a needle and thread to Baggy Mack to prolong his eventual demise, but I feel like I should introduce a new sack to get the both of us acclimated in the meantime. So, friends, if you’re willing to share and answer, I have a few questions:

  • What style of bag do you use for everyday carriage? 
  • Do you have a variety of bags (purses, clutches, backpacks, etc.), or do you stick to the ‘one bag fits all’ philosophy like I have? 
  • Do you know of a place (or website) where I can get one that will stand the test of time, like my dear Baggy Mack? Any preferred brands? (PS- I will accept hand-me-downs.) 

Other than that, let’s just say I’m back in business. Shoulder strain and all.

–Beez

PS- Check out the my verbose friend Naturally Alise’s blog today. It features an exchange between the two of us about New Edition. For those who don’t know who NE is, click this and this. Love youse!

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Tribute to the 90’s: The Most Horribly Awesome Decade of All. (Part 1)

Friends,

Let me just start off by saying this: If you didn’t grow up in or around the 90’s, you pretty much ain’t nothing. Millenials, you just missed out on everything that made the world turn: Nick, Snick, cheesy sitcoms with recycled characters, commercials that were relevant to the product being sold, REAL cartoons still in circulation… man, I could just go on and on, but the retrospective is bringing tears to my eyes. This all began with an epic gchat conversation between myself and Renisha, and oh my gosh, we just got to remmin… remun… thinking about old stuff. We begin with this gem:

 

Renisha: Why am i laughin SO HARD at this video?  look at their clothes!
 me: lawd!!!   how they change clothes mid chorus?
Renisha: i am CRYIN laughin right now  LOL!
me: That bald dude with the glasses…
 Renisha: LMBO!  you see Immature in the video???
 me: weighmint.   DID I SEE IMMATURE?!!  I was JUST about to say that!
 Renisha:OMG!!!! This is tumblr worthy!  gon’ head and post it
 me: MUHFUGGIN BATMEHN. ROWMEYOW  AND EL DEE BEE
 me: LeToya and her thoia thoing dress on.   I just can… and can’t with the 90’s. all at once.
 Renisha: Kelly ain’t have NO BOOTEE!NONE!
 me: Not n’aan aat all
 Renisha: in them pleather pants!  iCan’t!
 me: was immature even old enough to be in the club just chillin like that?
 Renisha: Was Destiny’s child!? shooo
me: random lone couple grinding in the dark hallway = death
 Renisha:i am SO TICKLED right now My  eyes are watering SO BAD, tryin not to laugh outloud in this starbucks
me: I would have failed.
 Renisha:i’m sweatin
 me: Sometimes when the cackle comes thoo, you just gotta let it out
 Renisha: watches it again
me: AAHHHH!! YOUSE A MESS!!  LMAOII AWJ EWLKA BWTF BBQ!~
 Renisha:why was latoya grindin on the wall by herself tho?  and them brown knickerbockers that other chick was wearin?  LAWD!! iCan’t!
me: Everything was right and wrong at the same time   We watching the video saying no, no, no, no, no. But we saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, too.
 Renisha: OMG…HUH-LARIOUS!

me: Why didn’t nobody say “go home, roger!” though? NOBODY in that club took advantage of that golden opportunity?
Renisha:nope…
they all had on the same colored lipstick #makeupartistfail
  look at BeNONCE’s shoes?
me: and that dreadful lipliner
That was the era of “black girls lining their lips in black no matter what the occasion, season, or coordinating colors were.”
Renisha: RIGHT!!!
wedding = black lipliner
homecoming = black lipliner
me: funeral = black lipliner
birthday party = black lipliner
fashion shows= all black lipliner errthang
Renisha: going to class in college = black lipliner
me: nobody had sassy gay friends in the 90’s. i’m convinced
and that clear sticky gloss from the beauty supply, so yo’ whole lip was just grey and ashen.
 Renisha: with the white stuff in corners

 me: ughhh!! yes!!

We reviewed about 3 videos for this… and I think they will be separate posts. 🙂

What are some of your favorite memories from the 90’s? 

Hugs and Cross Colored Sprinkles,
Beez

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Monday Funnies (It is Monday, Right?)

If you haven’t heard about this site, I feel it’s my civic duty to inform your booty about Texts From Last Night, a site that is similar to F My Life, where people tell anecdotes of the crappy genre, all ending with the abbreviation FML, short for “F*** My Life.” Fellow readers can then rate how f***ed said person’s life is, based off of the submitted story. Sometimes, I wonder how valid they are, and whether people just make some of these stories up to get a laugh…

Okay, back to the point.

You’ll find similar fare at “Texts…” but these are in the from of drunken text messages, and feature the phone number of the senders. Some prime gems taken from that site include:

  • (949): Do you think “I had sex with my co-worker last night I don’t think I can come in today” is a good excuse?
  • (913): I hope I’m pregnant just to spite you.
  • (517): he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.

(231): better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.

  • (386): it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
  • (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend’s twin last night…and he didn’t stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that’s not the point.

Readers get to grade these based off of what kind of night you think the sender had…

That’s all for now.

–Beez

P.S. I am not pregnant, and will not post this to spite you 🙂

**Edited to add: I just realized it was Tuesday. I really need to find a job or something. The title STAYS, regardless! Don’t judge me. 🙂

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