Chicago Hates Me. The Finale


Friends, Romans, Bloggy friends, lend me your eyes…

I know it’s been a while since I was due to post this final installment, but let’s just say that this last week turned into a lot more shenanigans, just not to the extent of my recent ones in Chicago. If you need to catch up, here’s part 1 and part 2. With that, I bring you part 3.

We left off where I was tired, lost, and hungry in downtown Chicago, my phone had just died, and I was running out of patience to deal with all that life was smacking at me. In the middle of Union Station, the obvious was evident: I needed to recharge. I wanted to be adventurous, but let’s be for real, how many of you would have the energy to go somewhere you’ve never gone in a city you’ve had (very) limited interactions in?

Armed with a latte from Dunkin’ (and I don’t even drink coffee like that), I ventured inside of a Potbelly. They had all I needed at that point: food, outlets, and a place to sit my rump while I reconfigured my game plan. After my phone had a sufficient charge to tweet, of course I did:

  • ChicagoHatesMe.Org.Gov/StoopidEl/EffDowntown.img
  • (–_–)
  • Thugs don’t cry in public. I’m a thug. I can’t cry in public.
  • I passed the whatchutalmbowt Willis Tower, yet now, I can’t even tell you where the heck that is.
  • Navigation don’t work when your mind can’t process it. Learned that from experience today.

After hearing from enough people that the bus station was “not too far” from my current location, I bravely ventured the downtown area, thinking I could possibly find it. After a conversation with my BFF Smithers’s mom, she, sensing the anxiety in my tone, instructed me to go back to the train station and wait. I picked up some essentials at a local drugstore: ibuprofen and hand sanitizer. I should’ve gotten a magazine, too!

I wandered around the station for a bit. Things were starting to slow down, so I decided to go back and wait in the Grand Hall section, where all the fun goes down, apparently. Armed with free city newspapers, I diverted my glance from strangers as much as I could, and of course, Twitter kept me company:

  • Is it bad when so many things happen in the course of a day, that instead of crying, you think “what else?” I kinda wanna be there
  • Someone just sat on the opposite end of the bench I’m on, and just farted. I freaking quit, Chicago.
  • A homeless man just asked me if I was married. I nodded yes, and he says, “I don’t want yo’ husband. You want yo’ husband?” I nod yes.
  • <<——– Married to Jesus
  • All hand sanitizer everything. Don’t trust nothing. Don’t touch nothing. You’ll get something.
  • Goodness, I’m tired, y’all. Emotionally, mentally, spiritually, the whole thing. I forget basic needs when I’m high on angst.
  • Thank you anyway, but when I’m this annoyed, I prefer to conserve my words. Don’t make me Katie Ka-boom the frick outta here.

  • Today would have been a great day to begin and end a smoking habit.

Eventually, Smithers got the APB on me, got me from the station, and assessed that I, indeed was a mess. Because I had only one change of clothes and that wasn’t working well anymore, our first stop was to a Wal-Mart, so I could get something to change into after a hearty shower. That and dinner. After recapping my day, Smithers agreed that this is the kind of thing that could only happen to me… as if I didn’t already know that.

One shower, one glass of wine, and one nacho plate down, I think I was asleep before my head hit the pillow on that futon. Once I get up the next morning, we get ready, and head towards downtown, and after traffic and whatever else goes on, I miss the morning train. I then begin to realize just how much Chicago hates me: it wants to keep me here, miserable. I trade my ticket (again) for the next one out, and head back to Smithers, prepared to spend a day at school.

  • Ev’reh bod-eh hay-aytes Beeeeeeeeeeez. :-/

Smithers works at an elementary school, and since I was the “special guest” speaker for the day, he ended up giving me a few pointers: don’t look them directly in the eyes, don’t talk to them in baby speak, and don’t try to smuggle any kids home in your bag. What can I say? He knows me. Here’s a quick overview of my day with the youngins:

  • Sebbumf grehd. 😐
  • 4th graders now. How did I end up speaking to these kids, too?
  • That was a sassy, surly buncha 4th graders. They wanted to ask me stuff, though. And, apparently, I was born in 1969. It rhymes.
  • These preschoolers make my heart melt. It’s gonna take a lot for me to not smuggle one of these little precious puffs home.

The school day ends, we book it downtown, and I actually get ON the train this time, with time to spare. We won’t even bring up that the guy who exchanged my ticket did it for the following afternoon, which we didn’t notice ’til checking in. Either way, I made it home, and just in time for So You Think You Can Dance. Ultimately, the universe loves me. Except Chicago.

  • FINALLY on something smoking towards home. Finally. *chokes back tears*
  • OMG I made it home in time for #SYTYCD!!! *Adam Shankman strut*

Have you all ever had any kind of super random experience, where you were just CERTAIN the fates, the gods, or Mother Nature had pulled your number, and put a gloomy cloud only on your head?

*insert gloomy cloud here* 
picture found here

Love and Sprinkles,

PS- Oh, wait! I forgot the most important part! I did end up talking to the person I needed to speak with, and long story short, I was supposed to get a call this week if they were going to start a new round of interviews this week. It’s almost Friday, and I can safely assume, well, you know… No harm to the company, though. I still think they’re awesome. They just would have been more awesome with me.

Subscribe. You know you wanna.

Chicago Hates Me. Part Two.

Okay, folks. Here’s part two of the “Chicago Hates My Stinking Guts, and I (don’t) Have the T-Shirt to Prove It” series. This is the fun part, where I can integrate the tweets into it!  Part 1 can be found here.

We last left off on me sucking it in, and gambling another train ride, hoping to have gotten the call I was looking forward to. I waited, hoped, and prayed for a call, and when I didn’t get one, I called myself. The person I was needing to talk to was in a meeting, and would get back to me in a few hours. With that confirmation, I prepared myself to take the late afternoon train home.

Packed and ready to go, I spruced myself up in the mirror in order to hide my (obvious) disappointment in how things had played out. I untwisted my twists, threw on a bit of eyeliner and lip gloss with my sweats, and proceeded to make faces in the mirror. It helped me blow off a bit of steam from the experience, and gave me the mindset of “if you’re gonna face the world, at least be semi-cute while doing it.” This one, coined by my buddy Gem, was called my “deez face.”

Blog deez

Anyway, my friend retrieves me to return me to the train station, but there’s a bit of a change in plans, instead of dropping me off at the train station due to family responsibilities (which I already knew about and was totally cool with), he would drop me off at the train station, where I would be able to catch downtown and get to the train station on time. 

I purchase the transit card, and right off the bat, I have problems- I couldn’t even figure out how my card fit in the darn thing to get to the platform! Luckily, the attendant helped me, and didn’t laugh in my face about it. He even helped me carry my bag over the turnstile. Thank you, kind gentleman. Sadly, a train passed me while trying to figure that whole situation out, so I immediately got antsy. **iTweet: Think I just missed a train. Lovely. Lemme chug this fanta.**

I could see the oncoming train RIGHT DOWN THE TRACK, but it wouldn’t move. I’m wondering if this is normal, and if I’ll even get to where I need to be on time. I think this is when it finally hits me: I don’t know how to navigate this city- I’m not from here! **iTweet: 1-WHERE THE FOCK IS THIS TRAIN?! 2-Eff it, I’m walking downtown. Which way is that again, Google? 3-The train is down there. I can see it. It just won’t move. Why won’t you move?**

Eventually, I look at the map I pilfered from the stop like a tourist, and realize the stop that I’m supposed to get off at does not exist on the line I’m currently on. **iTweet: <<— Freaking the frick out** A few text messages later, I find out where I’m supposed to get off at next, but I miss that stop from trying not to cry on the subway. Pulling my wits together again, I employ Google Maps (now with GPS!) on my phone, and reroute myself. I get off where it tells me to, but I can’t figure out where I’m supposed to transfer to the other line. After walking around the platform aimlessly, I decide to try and make a walk for it. To Union Station. In downtown Chicago. By myself. With no help. Did I mention how I hadn’t had much sleep leading up to this? 

Anyway, I’m following the flashing blue dot (that’s supposed to be me), and realize I’m going in the OPPOSITE direction of where I’m supposed to be. My semi-tired kind of mind tells me that my GPS was picking me up about a block or two from my actual current location, so I just start to walk and go with it… **iTweetWHERE THE FOCK AM I?!?** I passed a lot of buildings, big and small. Most of them, I cannot even remember at that point, because I had about 15 minutes to get to a location that I didn’t even know! I passed the (whatchutalmbow) Willis Tower, and since Mission Beez was out to play, Touristy Picture Taking Beez could not take her place. I walked across a bridge where there was a river, whimpering the whole way. Those who know me, know that I don’t walk over things I can see through. But I had to put fear aside in order to catch the train. 

At that point, all I remembered was the intersection I was looking for while finding the station. I saw the intersection, but I didn’t see the station. Guess it didn’t really help that I didn’t know what it looked like. **iTweet*throws phone in the gahtdamb river* Why come I can’t find the gahtdamb AMTRAK?!?** I walked around this same area about three times, from 5 different angles, only to realize that I had indeed walked past the station multiple times by now. I get in, follow the directions to the ticketing gate, accepting that I was 20 minutes past departure and just wanting to book for the next train. The surly ticket agent informs me that the later train is sold out, making me stuck there until the following morning. Again, I had to plug my tear ducts. **iTweet: 1- I’m gonna cry. 2- Chicago hates me. I’m convinced.**

I realize it is well into the evening, and I had not eaten all day, so while in search of an eatery, the brain gears start working again, as I figure out how to spend (yet) another night in Chicago, when all I wanted to do is be back at my home… 

Part 3 will hopefully be the last one. Hopefully.

Subscribe. You know you wanna.

Chicago Hates Me. Part One.

Clearly, I missed the “No Beez Allowed” sign.

Afternoon, friends. By reading the title, you may have figured out that I believe, with no doubt in my mind, that the city of Chicago hates my stinking guts. Not just an area or a neighborhood, but the whole cotdang city. The skyline, Mayor Daley, the (whatchutalmbout) Willis Tower, Lake Michigan, deep dish pizza, the guy selling pickles and watches on the south side, Wrigleyville– the whole thing.

The last few days have been such a smörgåsbord of adventure, I’m not sure if I can even reveal it without posting more than one part. I wouldn’t want to scare you all away from me. I’ll try my best to fully immerse you in what it has been like to be me for the past few days.

One week ago, I applied for a job in Chicago, with a company I know quite a bit about. The job is something that I, along with others, felt was a good match for the skills I currently possess. I was excited for the opportunity, and just hoped that I would get a chance to shine and show them my awesomeness! I saw myself at the place, thriving and surviving. Fingers crossed and prayers sent up, I waited for news, hopefully of the good variety.

Mondays are the days that I run the food pantry, so things were kind of hectic for me. There’s always a lot to do, and because I like to check and double check things over and over again, I hardly sit down. I left my phone around in various places when things were particularly hectic, and hadn’t realized I missed a call from the place until later that evening. Around midnight, I find a contact that lets me know that interviews were being conducted on the following day, which is likely what the call was for.

In an enthusiastic round of “jump the gun,” I begin packing, showering, and preparing myself for an impromptu day trip to the big city. Mind you, I get no sleep in the hours leading up to this. My immediate thought process was to take the first thing that could get me there, call first thing in the morning to find out when interviews were, and by that time, I should already be there. I had a friend at the ready to pick me up from the train station, and although very sleepy, I was optimistic. I didn’t sleep much, due to excitement, nervousness, and everything else. I felt with a latte about half an hour before the (yet to be determined) event, I’d be okay.

I get there, catch up with my friend, and the waiting game begins. I called, and he couldn’t reach me until later that day. As the day turned to dawn, though, some of the enthusiasm wore off, as I tried to stay a bit optimistic. I wanted to just turn around and go home, but something (and a few someones) prompted me to hold on for just another day. Hope intact, I changed my return ticket to the following afternoon, bit the bullet, and stayed another night…

Part 2 up next.

Subscribe. You know you wanna.

Gosh, I’m Horrible (But I’m Back With Presents and a “This Is It” Review!)

*walks to empty stage*
*picks up microphone*
*taps it a couple of times*

Hello… anybody there?

*hugs world* *pouty face, bats eyelashes*
I know, I have some ‘splainin to do, but with good cause. I will now attempt to give you a quick-kind of update of the past few weeks:

This Is It- Beez’s Experience

I saw This is It, the highly anticipated movie of Michael Jackson concert footage, on Halloween weekend (creepy, right?). It was all that I expected and MORE! I saw a level of professionalism up close that Michael always seemed to exhibit anyway during his performances. I believe that that rehearsal footage would rival some of the best touring concerts right now. The vocals were on point, even when MJ said he was “holding back to save his voice.” Listening to him belt Human Nature while playing out his stage presence in the mix made me excited. Seeing him interact with his musicians, and watching him hold his own dancing with people half his age won me over. Seeing a style that made Thriller and Smooth Criminal new and improved, while keeping their original levels of awesome, made me stay until the end of the credits. And, of course, the title song weaved its way into the film.

All I can say is that the film was pure, unadulterated awesome. If you haven’t seen it in theaters, get it on DVD. Or come to watch it with me when I get it. It’s sooo worth it.

Life Changes Life is moving so fast right now! Moved from existence with the Mama and Baby Bear (friends of mine) to a 3 bedroom condo with two people I had never met until I signed the lease. So far, everything’s well. I can’t really complain much, especially since it saved me from homelessness, and once I start working steadily, I’ll be able to save AND pay off some past debts! *celebratory happy dance* Not to mention, I HAD A BIRTHDAY LAST SUNDAY!!! 11/22 marked the 24th anniversary of my mom pushing me from her vag (crude, I know), and I had a ball of a time, which involved kidnapping, cupcakes,blindfoldedness, footie pajamas, being shoved into random cars, Cirque tickets, a fall picnic, and Grape Drank. I’ll give more details at another time, but I just wanted to shout out the Fantabulous Five that made it all possible! My friends are truly awesome. All of them. Even you. *points at you*

In the meantime, I haven’t been lamenting my constant cycle of employment to unemployment. Instead, I finally made good on some of my words and decided to do something! Because of that, I picked something that hits pretty close to home: my church’s food pantry. Here’s a bit of backstory on that one– back in the day, when Beez was even more self-conscious than she is now, and when her family really needed it (this was before she was old enough to work and help out), her family used to go to a local food pantry. During the short walk there and back home with her mom, Beez would always be concerned about whether people would see her, and what they would think, even though where she grew up, EVERYONE had some kind of need. This year, when she did have gainful employment, she would always yearn to have the time to be able to help out. Now, she does.

I’ve learned so much serving the community this way, especially about this idea of gratefulness. I’ve often beat myself up about where I am right now, wanting something more, taking the moments that I have foregranted. But some of the people I serve would kill to be where I am right now. It really shows me that where you don’t want to be can be someone else’s perfect destination. Sometimes, I can really see the hurt in people, the despair, and all I want to do is know how I can make it better. I’ve had someone fill out an application and stop at times to sob. I’ve seen people that tear up when they learn that they’ll be able to feed their families for Thanksgiving. Everyone has a story as to why they are there. I’ve seen people who are able to get out of situations, and come back to serve where they once patronized, and I see beauty in all of this. Is is hard work? Maybe, but I don’t really see it as such, because it’s WORTH IT. Worth it to me, worth it to the people who stand in lines, and worth it to the families that go one less day without food because someone cared. I can only say it is a privilege and an honor to do such.

In addition, since I’ve been feeling this great pull towards service, I’ve been debating on attaining advanaced degrees for such. As of now, my plan is to get an MBA, perhaps coupled with a Masters in Law, in order to consult. I want to help companies that serve the underprivileged- a nonprofit/charitable consultant, perhaps? That way, I can combine my mind for business with my heart for people and turn it into something that benefits the greater good. I’m actually quite excited about it, and plan to get applications in really soon! *beams*

So with this, I offer my apologies. You all are great, and although I don’t comment as much as I read, you all have a special place in my heart. I will try and keep up with the bloggy updates in order to not inundate you with all of this information at once, but if you’d like, you can follow me on Twitter (which I just about update throughout the day), and keep up with me there!

Love you all,

Self photo, courtesy of Häagen-Dazs-Help the Honey Bees

Subscribe. You know you wanna.


Just found out a little over an hour ago that today’s my last day at this temp job… Not so miffed about the fact that it’s over, since it’s been kind of a pain. I’m more annoyed at the fact that I didn’t get notified until 3 hours before I’m supposed to go…

Office politics baffle me sometimes. Common courtesy goes out the window in favor of big egos and such sometimes.

I’ll have a bunch to talk about later, so don’t be surprised if I’m back after this long day with my big comfy couch. 🙁

…time to fire up the old Unemployment Chronicles again.

Le sigh.

Subscribe. You know you wanna.

“The key to success is often the ability to adapt”

… I’m currently working on my adaptability. This past week has made it rather hard for me to do so, though. Just when I think there’d be a lull in activity, something comes at me and hits me all over again. yippee!

I sleep on a futon at a friend’s, and perhaps tarnished the trust an individual has had in me over something I perceive to be minor, but hey, you never know the other side of the story with these kind of things. Currently working on righting the wrong.

My back kind of hurts.

Also found out friend that I’m currently living with has decided to move with her husband 5 months before she originally planned to (he’s with the USAF), so that gives me about a month or so to find a (permanent) job and a place to live… oy me.

I’ve started the application blitz again. I think the most logical way about this is to get the job first, then the place…

and I’ll eventually need a car.

… and a hug.

I absolutely HATE this temporary position that I’m in also. There’s no room for me to grow personally or professionally, I’m only given menial tasks (that anyone can do), but am somehow always watched like a hawk (like being timed on my capability to perform such tasks. Most of the time I finish them faster than expected, only to be met with scrutinizing glances, as if I can’t work a copier, or prepare a simple document in Excel that’s just data entry). I’m expected to answer the phones and know all of the information about the department, yet I have not met ANY of the people I end up transferring calls to. If this were a larger department, I’d understand, but this is nothing. Luckily the faculty I’ve encountered are nice, aside from the fact that most of them can’t use a copier … o_O). I gave them a huge side eye when given an “inventory sheet” to check against that was so outdated, I ended up creating my own from scratch. The closet was dusty and I had a mini-asthma attack. I kept trucking, though I lost my voice for a couple of hours. Nobody knew anything different. I’ve fought with the idea of asking for another placement, but at the same time, I really need the money. I just don’t know how much I can take. I don’t like the idea of people giving me work just to “keep me busy,” especially when I know my skills and helpfulness can be used to other degrees. Soon, it will be over. Soon.

I’m still hopeful that things will work out in my favor. Lots of prayer and self-reflection lead me to this conclusion. Times this week I’ve just wanted to cry: partially because of how this isn’t my ideal situation, and partially from gratefulness that it isn’t as bad as it could be. I sometimes struggle with the concept of being grateful and ingrateful at the same time: how does that happen? Why do we let it happen?

For now, I’ll just work on making today the best that I can make it. Forget about yesterday, and let tomorrow work itself out if/when I’m blessed to see it come. For me, that’s harder than it appears, so that’s where the “one day at a time” comes in…

Happy Monday!


Subscribe. You know you wanna.

Can’t Keep a Good Beez Down…

I’ve been spending all this time not posting… that means that if I have something to say now, something good has to have happened, right?

Not really.

Still figuring out what’s next, and i have exactly 30 days to pack up the apartment I’ve lived in for 3 years in the midst. Some days, it feels like everything’s against me. I applied for 3 jobs one day, only to find 2 denials in my inbox the next… doesn’t take much time to get a “no,” eh? I know my brand of optimism is weird and rare these days, but I just hold on to the hope that one day, the one who says “yes” will be more than worth it. Guess the same could be said for men too, though I’m proud to admit I haven’t actively pursued that arena in the longest. Perhaps because I’ve been spending so much time figuring myself and my situation out– could you imagine being almost homeless, perpetually jobless, and in a relationship?!? The horrors of it all. *shudders*
Fetal Zombie Hoe = I am The Beez, Fool.

I did see the HP 6 movie, and I’m convinced that my eccentricities rival Luna Lovegood’s at times, but that’s another story for another day. In fact, my Whatever Wednesday this week was supposed to go to Warner Bros. There’s always the weekend though. Let’s just say there were a few parts that made me check my ticket stub to make sure I was in the right place.

Anyway, I just figured out it’s Friday, so that means I need to find something that I find entertaining from the past… What did I call it? Oh yeah– Flashback Friday. D’oh!

Before Sesame Street was inundated by the red terror known as Elmo (no last name- what is he, Cher or something?), it was filled with lots of catchy tunes, and even friendlier monsters. Monsters that weren’t jerks, except maybe Grover… but I loved him because he didn’t mean it. He was only trying to help the blue man. Anyway, some of the funnier ones.

Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, the songs of Sesame Street.

*The spelling of this video is Heeee-larious: Classic Sesame Street – Take a Bweaff

*Cereal Girl- obvious parody here, but the dog was jamming!

*Aww schnap! The Monster in the Mirror (aka the “Wubba Wubba” song). Everybody who was anybody was in this celebrity version: Dwayne Wayne from a different world, Kid and Play, Ray Charles, Whoopi, the lady who played Murphy Brown, Robin Williams, Theo Huxtable, and The Simpsons! To be honest, I think I might’ve been in there somewhere too. Probably chillin’ with the Frugal Gourmet dude. Reason #53 for why Grover is awesomeness ^50.

*Do-Wop Hop- I still do the Kermit dance to this day. Why were the animals the best backup singers? The pig sisters, the cows, it was just a talented cast of Muppetry! Not to mention the serious air Kermie got on this 🙂

*Do De Rubber Duck- I’m not sure if I’d still be singing and dancing if the whole block ended up in my bathroom in scrub gear, but the song is still catchy nonetheless. In real life though, this makes me giggle.

Have a happy weekend, all!


Subscribe. You know you wanna.

Observations: From the Outside Looking In

Welcome to the Monochromatic Circus. Weekends off (except during busy season).

I’m not in it for the money- I figured that out a long time ago.

But in this (almost) constant state of unemployededness, a word I just made up, I have to wonder: did I make the right choices? Am I still making them? Did I just eff up completely, with no chance for recovery? Why didn’t I get my $200 for passing GO? I’m after you Monocled Monopoly Man…

During a quick day trip to Chicago’s downtown during rush hour last week, I saw people. People in suits, running for cabs. People stopping to chat with acquaintances while waiting to cross busy intersections. A woman in a suit power walking in her flats, clutching a pair of Cole Haan pumps in one hand, a Blackberry in the other. I can only wonder what she’s discussing– continuing work though she’s left the office? Dinner reservations at an overpriced restaurant with mediocre offerings, that she dines at mostly for convenience? Plans with the girls for happy hour, possibly to discuss the latest happenings? Perhaps, she just wants to finally be home, where she can curl up with her dog and a nice book, and not worry about the tailored look for a few days.

Turning the corner, I saw people dressed in their Casual Friday best, sucking down lethal concoctions of Starbucks espresso combined with more sugar than one needs in a week, during the late hours of the afternoon. I wondered if that has any effect on their sleeping schedule. Do any of them have kids, or do they live the DINK (double income, no kids) way? Do they live a “Hakuna Matata” type of lifestyle, and not save for what could happen to their job security, believing, they’ll be forever “recession-proof?” Considering I don’t have much of any schedule myself, I couldn’t help but to wonder their secrets. I also wondered, once I became part of the employed world, if I would be able to mold myself into one of those said people- if I could change who I am for the purpose of being employed, or if I’d even need to. Can I be the definition of a diverse workplace? 🙂

Do (or did) they spend countless hours like me, poring through job announcements over job announcements? Have they ever been in a position like mine, where prayer for even the right direction, has become a constant? How do you lock yourself in a career, one that ultimately defines you, so soon? I think that though I am brave, I am fearful. Fearful of becoming something I’m not quite sure that I am. Fear to me equals being put into something definable. A label. Do I want to be “Beez, the accountant” or “Beez, the teacher” or “Beez, from HR”? Could I live with the consequences of packing everything that I own right now, and moving to a place I’ve never lived before, just to search for the answers to these questions?

My lease is up in a month and three days. I have no job, no real source of income, and a desire for all that I am destined to become. The hunger residing within me is often a source of encouragement and discouragement, all at the same time. Whatever happens next, I know it will be a supreme leap of faith. My life kind of depends on it. I liken myself to an autumn leaf- always moving, never quite sure of the final destination, but I play in the wind along the way, and hope that someone can find something to do with me once I get there. I am optimistic of the outcome, or perhaps of the possibility of attaining outcomes. I long to have choices. I long to have a purpose. I hope that once I get out there, that I don’t find out the bitter truth: that success, in that world, just may be defined by the price of the clothes you wear.


Subscribe. You know you wanna.

Optimism Wins!

For some reason, that has become my new “unofficial” catchphrase. Why? Because I’m being my own cheerleader, and eff what anyone else has to say. The slump is over, but in the meantime, I’m keeping myself occupied until the next big thing comes along… For the time being, I’m gonna get immersed:

  • Couch to 5K- I read about this program on Cool Running, and found a site here that explains it in depth. Basically, you’ll be ready to do a 5K (3 miles and some change, I hear) in about 9 weeks if you follow it 3 times a week. I downloaded a podcast that’s set to music and lets you know when to walk and when to run, so it’s pretty easy to follow. So far, I’m on day 2 of week 2, and foot cramps are grinding my gears. Maybe I’ll repeat it next week. I may be in shape to do the Chicago 1/2 marathon in September! 🙂
  • Still applying for jobs, everywhere I can think of ( and you too!). Seriously, I won’t mind the 50-11 “no’s” I get, especially when that “yes” comes in. I’ll just be hoping that it comes soon!
  • Keeping myself occupied otherwise. Getting back into the blogging thing, and still trying to figure out Twitter (how nice that they let you change your handle, per availability!), and have synched Twitter with the blog- hooray! Still watching the little munchkins, and I’ll start involving myself with church activities too! Anything’s better than doing nothing. I learned the hard way how detrimental that is. Nuh-uh. I’ll take a pass on that one, Alex.

If you know of any other ways to keep me busy, or if you’re in the same predicament and have some ways to cope, let me know! Hope to hear from ya!


I’m gonna make it after all!

–Busy Beez

Subscribe. You know you wanna.

Let The Slump Begin!

Looks like I’ve officially hit that point- the point of slumping. For the last [x] months, I’ve been out there wishing and hoping and thinking and praying (with no Psychic Friends involved) that soon, I’d get a callback. So far, not even an interview call has come my way. Then again, neither has the rejection letter, in some cases. Rejection emails, I’m learning, are quite the popular item these days: “Dear Beez, we have reviewed your application, and we decided not to offer you a position/ to finally respond to you after 3 months and tell you the position has been filled/ any variation that basically seethes of ‘you’re not worthy’. Get thee away.” I don’t have enough experience, but I have too much. I’m hot- and I’m cold. I’m good, but I’m bad. Le sigh. What’s a Beez to do?

I don’t have an issue with pride or anything, at least not a significant one (sidenote: Beez has flipped burgers overnight at the arches while slinging McAlister’s Sweet tea during the days, rigfter graduation). I just need some kind of cash flow to make things happen. I’ve filled out applications, locally, un-locally, private, public, nonprofit, for profit, eenie, meenie, miney, and moe. One of the latest rejections to add to the list:

What? We don’t want her either!

Seriously, I’ve been trying my best to stay optimistic. I’ve taken up trying to run again (after asthma scared me from even trying for 4 years), working on my novel (shout out to Brian Griffin. I really don’t have one.), and generally, searching through acres and acres of job listings, trying to convey to people that they want me, without actually using those words. I’m sure that those bright days, and sunny times, and children singing in circles holding hands will come, but I guess my question would be, “When?” Until then, I just feel… without a purpose. The “5w’s +h” (shout out to 5th grade English) of life keep crossing my mind, and it’s starting to show itself visibly, which usually means there’s a lot more of it going on than normal.

I guess I should be used to rejection, because I’ve experienced it on quite a few levels (middle child sarcasm, I suppose), but at the same time, it leaves me wondering what my next steps are. Collecting from the man just isn’t my thing- especially when I know I can do some of these other jobs out there. Just give me a chance, and I can show you better than I could ever say (note: Beez gets the job done. Usually right. Usually the first time. End of story). Rejection still feels bad though- in all phases. One day, I’m sure there’s someone out there that’ll say “yes,” but until then, I’m just counting the “no’s” (in the style of Toucan Sam)… even made a special folder in the inbox for them. When I do land that big gig (love the rhyme, don’t you?), I can one day look back on this and giggle a little.

I apologize if this all seems disjointed, but I kinda feel that way. My brain is hurty. I’ll work on this whole being sad thing and hopefully wake up in the morning a bit better. Until then, if you have a job for me, LET ME IN!!!

… pretty please?


Subscribe. You know you wanna.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...