ASOS, Yuh Dun Goofed.

It’s been a long time, I shouldn’t have left you. At least I’ve got a story to tell, boo. And boy, is it a doozy:


For those unfamiliar with my life, I’ve been EXTREMELY tired lately. I have, however, still been blogging a bit. Perhaps Tumbl-ing is a better verb, but I have been into some sort of activity. Anyway, my tumblr is mainly focused on my journey to girliness, where I take pictures of myself in dresses and stuff, gauge opinions on hair and makeup, and learn how to be more girly. In conversations and through some of my Twitter connections, I learned about a company that had gotten rave reviews about the style, fit, and even delivery. I was determined to learn more about this company.

After working for a bit, perhaps after my second paycheck, I registered with ASOS, and got to shopping. I was excited about my first spree- there were dresses, skirts, and a couple of tops. I won’t mention the amount spent, because frankly, that matters not. Placed my order on the 17th, and it shipped by the 19th. Their shipping schedule says 8 “working days,” but as the patient princess I am, I gave it until the end of the month. I made up excuses for them, thinking it could have been held up by customs, they couldn’t find me in the cornfields, or something. Either way, I penned a query to Customer Care, and recieved this response, after the canned response of  “we have your question, now wait for an actual person to reply (click to make these bigger) :”

I decided to give them the benefit of a doubt (figuring Royal Mail must be as much of a pain as the USPS can be sometimes- see my last angry letter), and wait those extra days, even though my sh*t “should of” arrived by the 29th. On the day before, October 10th, I sent another email. It was a Sunday, and I was about sure the parcel wasn’t arriving.  After the obligatory canned response, I got this: 

I waited 24 hours, pretty much RIGHT after the clock struck 12 on the 12th to pen a new one, simply asking for what they would do next. Patience would win out, right? So, of course, I got the canned response, then this:

 Aw… HAYLE NAWL!! I waited damb near a month to receive this package, and all you can say is “welp, here’s your money back?” Not even an offer to resend what I ordered in the first place, perhaps express shipping? Something to make me think you give a sh*t about keeping my money hostage for so long? I was trying to give them a chance, but this is not the way to do it. I stressed the fact that this was my FIRST ORDER for a reason- your first impression of a company is one that lasts. In the case of ASOS, this one burns, and not in that pleasant way they depict in contraceptive commercials. I wrote this in response:

I took to Twitter too. ASOS apparently searches its name, and I was ambushed by their “Here To Help” account, armed with smiley faces… I’ll just let you see their responses to me, and I’ll post my response to them (at this point, I was sufficiently pissed, and wanted nothing more but to speak with a person). Read down to up, as Twitter be backwards:

In the meantime, they provided me with this “generous offer,” via e-mail:

Ten. Frickin. Puhsents. Is that enough, friends? I don’t think so. A simple Google search leads me to a bajillionty ten percent offer codes. I’d rather have talked to a live person than a crappy email exchange over the course of several days, too. My excitement turned from disappointment to full-on-pisstivity during the duration of this experience, and I am making good on my promise to let the world know. Simply put, ASOS, Yuh Dun Goofed. I can’t and I won’t put my funds into a company that doesn’t even CARE about how customers are treated. It’s such a sad day when you can’t even get excited about the things others love, but this one experience has been… well, exquisitely torturous hell. I promise, I am waiting for that refund, and it better be correct down to the LAST penny. You lost a customer before you even had a chance to wow me with your stylistic offerings, at least I could have had a chance to try on a dress before I decided I hated you.

Shoutout to that package that’s probably floating in the ocean, chilling and stuff.

What I want to know, friends, is have you ever experienced crappy customer service, even in the face of unshakable patience? What did you do? How was it resolved? Should I give ASOS another chance to wow me with this measly ten percent?

Lawd, I’m pissed. Fawk a sprinkle. This is some bull-shiggity.


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