Let The Slump Begin!

Looks like I’ve officially hit that point- the point of slumping. For the last [x] months, I’ve been out there wishing and hoping and thinking and praying (with no Psychic Friends involved) that soon, I’d get a callback. So far, not even an interview call has come my way. Then again, neither has the rejection letter, in some cases. Rejection emails, I’m learning, are quite the popular item these days: “Dear Beez, we have reviewed your application, and we decided not to offer you a position/ to finally respond to you after 3 months and tell you the position has been filled/ any variation that basically seethes of ‘you’re not worthy’. Get thee away.” I don’t have enough experience, but I have too much. I’m hot- and I’m cold. I’m good, but I’m bad. Le sigh. What’s a Beez to do?

I don’t have an issue with pride or anything, at least not a significant one (sidenote: Beez has flipped burgers overnight at the arches while slinging McAlister’s Sweet tea during the days, rigfter graduation). I just need some kind of cash flow to make things happen. I’ve filled out applications, locally, un-locally, private, public, nonprofit, for profit, eenie, meenie, miney, and moe. One of the latest rejections to add to the list:

What? We don’t want her either!

Seriously, I’ve been trying my best to stay optimistic. I’ve taken up trying to run again (after asthma scared me from even trying for 4 years), working on my novel (shout out to Brian Griffin. I really don’t have one.), and generally, searching through acres and acres of job listings, trying to convey to people that they want me, without actually using those words. I’m sure that those bright days, and sunny times, and children singing in circles holding hands will come, but I guess my question would be, “When?” Until then, I just feel… without a purpose. The “5w’s +h” (shout out to 5th grade English) of life keep crossing my mind, and it’s starting to show itself visibly, which usually means there’s a lot more of it going on than normal.

I guess I should be used to rejection, because I’ve experienced it on quite a few levels (middle child sarcasm, I suppose), but at the same time, it leaves me wondering what my next steps are. Collecting from the man just isn’t my thing- especially when I know I can do some of these other jobs out there. Just give me a chance, and I can show you better than I could ever say (note: Beez gets the job done. Usually right. Usually the first time. End of story). Rejection still feels bad though- in all phases. One day, I’m sure there’s someone out there that’ll say “yes,” but until then, I’m just counting the “no’s” (in the style of Toucan Sam)… even made a special folder in the inbox for them. When I do land that big gig (love the rhyme, don’t you?), I can one day look back on this and giggle a little.

I apologize if this all seems disjointed, but I kinda feel that way. My brain is hurty. I’ll work on this whole being sad thing and hopefully wake up in the morning a bit better. Until then, if you have a job for me, LET ME IN!!!

… pretty please?

–Beez

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