Operation: Situation Moisturization

*peeks in*

Hey, y’all. How’s everyone been?

*ducks cat being thrown at me*

Now, who did that? *straightens collar* Anyway, I just wanted to check in since it’s been a while. Tax season’s winding down, and my new gig (as Nanny McBeez– more on that later) keeps me plenty busy. The reason I’ve come today is because I’m going through quite an awkward phase with my hair.

You know I have my views on embracing the natural beauty within and all that gobbledygook, but for some reason, my hurr has not been complying. I’ve been experiencing 5 seasons of dryness and 7 whole days of shedding. My roommates may quit living with me, because with my hair falling out left and right, we might don’t make it much longer. 🙁

I have some theories as to why this has happened…
*Winter is over, and now it’s relenting for all the dryness I subjected it to by keeping the heat on.
*Spring is near, and my ends just need a trim like Tiger Woods needs to not be in the news.
*I’m going bald. And this is just the first of many awkward stages. Help me, Gaga.

Because I don’t like my hair falling out in clumps and stuff, I’ve been tryna “moisturize my situation,” as (P.?) Diddy coined in the Proactiv ads of years past, in order to restore my hair to its full glory. Spring’s coming, and I’ve gotta let my soooooOOOOOUUULLLLL GLOOOOOWWW!

Feeling oh, so silky, smooth.

So far, I have taken the following steps (with minimal results):
*Washed my hair and slept in a cap of deep conditioner. Result: Crunchy dry mess.
*Washed my hair the next day, slept in a cap of deep conditioner + olive oil. Result: Dry shiny mess.
*Upped my moisturization to twice a day. Result: my hair going #nomnomnom, but otherwise, still dry.
*Two-strand twisting my hair and letting it alone for a while (my usual “let your hair saddown” style). Result: crunchy twists (not to be confused with cheetos).
*Pseudo-trimming my ends, because yet and still, I don’t trust myself with scissors. Result: A little less breakage, but breakage nonetheless.

Did I mention I’ve done all of this over the past week?


Girl, I got nothing for you. Ooh- a Kermit! Rah rah, ooh la la…

So anyway, I’m at a crossroads of sorts. All signs say “get thee to a stylist” but all cheapness/brokeness says “you havent tried everything the world has to offer.” Now, I solicit you, fair reader(s). Any products/styles that you use for special “pimp my hair” situations? Any routines you suggest for me? I’ll post pics when I’m back at home, but the madness must end. Uh.mee.juh.lee!

Yours in Dryness,

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