The Lies “Someday” Tells…

Me and Someday are breaking up. Why is that, you say? Because Someday is full of lies, and I’m pushing for more defined answers in my life.

How often do we see an old friend in passing, or give a quick phone call (or text, ugh) to someone, and you get a “we need to catch up over dinner/coffee/strong alcohol and snacks someday!” It sounds like an awesome offer, but I’m learning that more often than not, Someday never happens. Someday is a random placefiller, a social cue brought on perhaps with the intent of continuing the conversation. However, the lie of “busy-ness” often competes with the follow through of Someday, and Someday just doesn’t come.

I know I seem to blame a lot on our connected (but severely disconnected) states of being these days, but in my observations, I find it a little astounding and heartbreaking that we would rather let a million Somedays come and go before we actually use the phone button on those phones, call someone (no, not text), and set a plan to do something that requires you to be in the same place with them at the same time. All of the intent behind Somed
ay gets lost in the idea that you’ve got “too much” going on. We all do, but come on… We make things happen when we truly, sincerely want to. Busy is glorified. Busy is overrated. And that’s why I want to break up with Someday.

I’m over this idea that I *have* to be consistently busy. A few periods of extreme burnout have caused me to sat (yes, sat) all the way down. While sitting, I observed. Most of the time when Someday is mentioned, people have phones (often of the smarter persuasion) in hand. How hard is it to take another 40-60 seconds to synchronize your watches, set a time and place, and actually show up to it? When do we start treating people like people, and not time fillers you consult at the last minute? Why is this so difficult to do?

We’re so bad at maintaining relationships these days. I used to be excited at the prospect of Someday with certain people, but now if I have to bring it up a few too many times, I drop it. I refuse to treat an instance of a person I see on a semi-regular basis and want to see more of as a ship passing in the night that I can’t get ahold of. Sometimes, people show you exactly where you fit in their range of Someday. It’s my hope, though, that we get better at making Someday a reality, before you regret never having made that move.

To help get rid of the lies of Someday, and actually be better at being better, I’ve  been working on the following:

1- Being more intentional with my words/ being a good communicator of my intent. If If there’s something practical that keeps me from solidifying a date, I’m upfront. Did we forget that people usually can be understanding if we’re forthcoming about difficulties? I have a friend that is good at letting me know when it’s not her pay week, so our plans may have to be reworked to when she has more available funds. I have a few jobs (including side hustles), so the little time I have available, I’d rather know sooner as opposed to later if I’ll be filling it with your presence. If I’m going to need to bounce early because I have a project to work on, I won’t wait until the appetizer hits to spring it on you. If I don’t think I’ll be able to come because I’m going to want to introvert and take a 2 hour bath or something, I’ll put it out there with another offer to hang.

2-Checking myself and my priorities. Do I have too many things on my plate? Am I over extended? Is this for a brief period or do I need to evaluate some of my commitments? Am I providing too much of myself to a person/situation/organization that does not give me an adequate roi (return on investment)? What am I really doing this for? If I make some changes, would this then allow room for this relationship to cultivate?

3- Making the thing happen. Along with the Someday lie, there are some that feel that making the arrangements is enough. Then, you have some people that are good at cancelling the day of, sometimes with mere hours to spare, with no regard for how this may have affected the other party’s day. Again, there is space to be reasonable- being sick, worn out, broke, or otherwise unable can be a good reason to cancel in favor of a more agreeable date, but when flaky patterns persist, I let the flakes fall to the side and keep it moving.

Let me be frank: the name of the game is consideration. Consider what another is giving up to spend time with you. Consider all of the other things a person could be doing in the world, yet they choose to be in your presence. At the very least, they would like a chance. I’m not saying that you must now fill your social calendar to the brim with coffee and farmer’s market trips (unless that’s your thing, then go nuts!), but if you are truly sincere in your wishes to spend time with a person, do this:

Say you want to do it. Suggest a date, time and place. Repeat until a mutually agreed upon selection is chosen. Put it in your phone. Show up, and be a good communicator if you can’t. Don’t let Someday stop you from being great.

Got it? Awesome. Now stop lying on Someday and make it happen.

 

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Back to the World

A boomerang always comes back to its point of origin.

Much like a boomerang, I feel like I’ve been on a journey. So much has changed. I’ve learned a great deal about myself, others, and the world around me. I’ve moved, started a new job, and made acquaintance with THE CUTEST NIECE IN THE WORLD (and yes, she will get a hashtag in all caps). Even in the middle of all of the changes, there were parts I missed.

As time went on, I wondered how I would do it. When I would do it. If I still could do it. I love words, love putting words together, yet something I’ve taken so much joy in felt… foreign. Time went on. I kept putting it off. Compensating by adding to an ever-growing imaginary “to-do” list that had no progress as well. Trying out other new things, and wondering how to share. Twitter, of course, kept me occupied, but finding time (outside of livetweeting network tv) just was not working. Ask my ukulele how that’s working out.

I looked up and realized it was November. Halfway through the month, almost. The homeskillet Alise reminded me it was Tevin Campbell’s (one of the faves and you will never debate me on this, idk idk idk) 38th birthday1, and days ago, Sesame Street (another childhood favorite of mine) turned 45. In less than two weeks, I’ll be 29. Don’t look at my face; just trust me on this one. I ordered my birth certificate as the ultimate receipt.

Because I’ve been saying I’m “almost 30” since I was 25, I am really into this whole concept of carpe-ing the diem. Is it scary? Sometimes. Is it worth it? Sometimes. Is there a lesson behind it? Most definitely. Will you (meaning I) share it? Well… if I write, I will. At this current moment, I see myself at the edge of a swimming pool, ready for my first lessons2. I stare out at the pool ahead of me, and shudder as my toes hang over the line. Nothing separates me from exploring the vastness around me, except for my fluctuating willingness to get in.

After a few deep breaths, a hit of my asthma pump, and another check to make sure my cap is on, I’m jumping back in.

Need to know where to find me? Check out Twitter and Instagram, @beezhunny is my handle at both. As always, I’m working on being a work in progress, and would love some extra friends on the journey. Until next time, tell me what your favorite Tevin Campbell song is in the comments. Make a playlist (or listen to mine). Jam. It’s a celebration! Like a boomerang, I’m back!

The Box Braided Balladeer would approve.

The Box Braided Balladeer would approve.

Glad I Made it Through without a “Do the Write Thing” Pun,

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1- I set a calendar reminder in Outlook so I never forget Tevin Campbell’s birthday again.
2-Getting swimming lessons is on my “30 list.” More on that later. Kthxbai.

At Least it can Only Get Better…

from garfieldh8smondays.tumblr.com

Garfield the cat knew one thing: Mondays suck.

There’s really no way to get around it, is there? After a weekend of doing things according to whatever schedule you determine is best, it’s time to get back into the swing of things, and begin the transition to dutiful worker. Mondays are full of transitions, and just to make it to lunchtime is half the battle. This Monday in particular hit me with one too many whammies, though.

Am I too young to be able to use this as a reference?

I began work today knowing I’d begin training for a new position I’d accepted. During the first part of the morning, we learned a colleague passed away this weekend from cancer (PS- Cancer SUCKS!). People in the office didn’t take it well.  I had been up a part of the night with my baby sister who was having issues with her pregnancy (her first, and my first by proxy), and I just wanted to make sure she was well.
Keep in mind this is before I get to my own personal issues…

I’ve been dealing with the most devilish allergy attack since the weekend began, and before having to be awake and productive, had been medicating with drugs that render me useless after 30 minutes of ingestion. I’m on day 40 something-or-other of an ordeal I’d rather not call out by name, but the process and treatments in itself have been taxing on my body. Oh, and two of the six teeth I need removed started wanting to erupt more today and leave the right side of my mouth supremely tender. Joy, right?

Happy, happy, joy, joy.

Days like this don’t happen often, but I try and remember that many of these issues are not any I can handle on my own. If they were, I’d have fixed them, right? So, in those cases, you wear a smile, say a prayer, and just look for the shortest goal to accomplish. Towards lunchtime today, my only goal was to make it home. Once I got home, I hopped into bed without dinner and just rest myself to decompress the day. I do realize that things can only get better from here, and it doesn’t necessarily have to start with tomorrow. Why not now?

So, let me know: Have you ever had a Monday that just wouldn’t quit, or are you one of those freaks of nature lovely people that don’t have bad ones? Share in the comments below.

Chin up, kids. Things really do turn around.

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Valentines? Heyyyyy.

About 10 years ago, I may not have been able to say what I’m about to say. I don’t think I would have been able to five years ago either, or even three. If I’m shooting for real transparency, I’ll even say last year left me at a crossroads with the statement I’m about to make.

Valentine’s Day was actually okay. Continue reading



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