Turkey Day Survival

Get out the good china; it’s a special occasion!

Turkeys, and cat-naps, and football – oh my! Where did the year go? It seems like just yesterday we were crowded around someone’s television watching the ball drop at Times Square, like we didn’t know it would take 3 hours for it to get all the way down. In a blink, spring, summer and fall passed us by, without even calling the morning after to see if we were okay. November is almost done, and through the icy rain (maybe just here), people are finalizing their Thanksgiving plans. Friends, the holiday season is fast approaching (Shoot, it’s HERE.), and I have been sent with gifts that aren’t gold teeth, frank and beans, and Maury in order to get you in tip-top shape:

1.   Stay in your lane.  Yes, I know it’s nice to try out new recipes every once in a while. I do it quite often myself. Those large family gatherings where mass amount of people are exposed to your science project is not the arena for it, though. If you’re unsure of what to bring to the 50th office potluck this week, stick to what you know. If you tell a friend you’re bringing “Candied Ham Squares with White Chocolate,” those tears are not from excitement;  it’s fear. Bring some sausages in a Crock-Pot with barbeque sauce, or if you’re really fancy, volunteer to bring chips, ice, or plates. Become friends with AllRecipes in your off-time, and subject those people you love (in small batches) to your trials.
2.   Accept your family. Just do it, I said!  When you think of “Thanksgiving,” you think of “family.” When you think of “family,” you shouldn’t be thinking of Olive Garden, because you’ll be gravely disappointed. I turned 25 this week, and it seems that almost instantly, the cries of “when are you getting married/ having kids/ gonna do something with your life besides get all these degrees?” have come like wildfire. Suck it up, come up with concise, stern answers, and grin and bear it. Change the subject if necessary. Compliment Aunt BeBe’s new red ‘do, even though you know it’s a wig. Ignore Uncle Junior’s new girlfriend, even though you went to high school with her. You can’t change them, so you may as well grin and bear it. Just be ready to mediate when the great spades battle of the 3:00 hour come up, and know how to bow out gracefully when it’s time. That brings me to the next point…
3.   Have an exit strategy.  Just because it’s the holiday does NOT mean you have to spend the whole day with the fam.  It took me the longest to realize this evident truth, but c’mon. When you visit home for a limited amount of time, you end up with having to do rounds. Staying 18 hours at TeeTee May’s only cuts into the time you have to stop by all of your friends’ and their moms’  houses to collect a cavalcade of plates. How else are you supposed to sustain yourself through this 4 day weekend? Besides, Thanksgiving evening is the best time to catch a movie, go bowling, or host an impromptu Wii party featuring Michael Jackson: The Experience (oh, that’s just me? Well, you’re invited anyway.).  While everyone’s hopped up on tryptophan, grab your security Gladware, pack up some of that dressing, and tiptoe out like a thief in the night, on the the next house.
4.   Be careful what you post online. The saying is true: “If you tweet it, they will roast.” Wait… that isn’t it? Either way, it’s true. If your dishes make your mom/grandma/significant other  smile and say “Baby it looks good… what is it?” you probably shouldn’t twitpic it to the world. If your variations on certain meals include altering the natural color the dish comes in, keep it in your house and off the tweets. It will be roasted until crispy, and you probably will lose a bit of your #SelfofSteam. Just ask the girl who is known as the creator of #ThatPlate (Note: Zindzi did not make said plate).
With that said, friends, I hope that you all are having a wonderful Thanksgiving. Eat, drink, and share in old traditions while making new ones. Take the time to recognize the things and people you are thankful for.  I hope your day is as awesome as all of you are. Now pass the peas, like we used to do.
Love and turkey (or tofurkey) shaped sprinkles,
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